communicate, or don't.

This year, I made a promise to record 2 podcast a week and really dive into the mindset work that needed attention.

I started the year off with a bang. High energy, so many ideas and topics I wanted to cover.
So, I sat down and started to record my first episode.

I went all in. I was letting all my energy and feelings out to share with my subscribers…


I went to re listen to let Bryan know he could edit. What do you know, my mic was on mute.
I was mad.
I was so annoyed.

Then I laughed.
I thought to myself, maybe this was the universe telling me it's just too raw to put out there.

Whatever, universe.

So I put my shit away and I said screw it.

Oh, and I haven’t picked the mic back up to re record. Recording an episode has to happen rather quickly once the moment presents itself. Once that thought is in my head I have to hustle to get it out. I could sit down and write or I could sit down and record.

The best way for me to release negative energy is to write or speak. When people truly want to connect with me and my thoughts, I do my best to really dive deep into my thoughts, my ideas, my perspective.

I may not have a wealth of professional knowledge, I don't have a college degree, but I sure do have perspective. I have a whole shit load of perspective. This took time. It took understanding. It took me connecting on an emotional level that I had to force myself into. Being cold is easy. I was cold most of my young life. Once I realized being cold is not only unhealthy, but just awful. It's not funny, it doesn't make you a hard ass, it makes you an asshole.

No-one likes an asshole.

Providing perspective to someone can result in amazing things. They may find a new way of thinking. They may find a way to release negative energy without being miserable with themselves or others. Sharing perspective can also be a challenge.

Typically when people are wallowing in self pity, they can’t be talked too. They don't want to hear what you have to say, even though they asked. They have already decided that this is the worst part of their life, they may never recover, they aren't actually listening to you to think or understand. They are waiting for you to stop talking to blurt out whatever thought they have been holding in while you speak. I hate this.

Don't ask me if you really don’t care. Don’t bring me down with your negative energy or thoughts. I don’t want it. I don’t want that weight. If you feel like you really cant bring yourself out of the hole or even show willingness to try, please save the sob story. (Yikes that sounds cold)

Finding happiness in each day can be very hard, especially when they feel like the world is crumbling. They may feel like its crumbling, but I can see it starting over with a beautiful opportunity. I can only see that because I want to.

Each day we open our eyes and then lay our head down at night- Is a freaking blessing. You have a pillow to hit your head on, a roof to keep the rain off your face and a few good friends that are there to pick you up in a second.

On the flip side-
Make sure you are also showing up. Sometimes it’s hard to say you're struggling. Sometimes you fake a smile to avoid the pain of question. Sometimes we are just so damn overwhelmed that we cant ask for help. Stop faulting those hurting for not allowing you to “help”. Sometimes things really don’t require help. Sometimes outside help isn't an option to the person you are asking. So, instead of being negative and saying “I tried to help, but she won’t let me” just let the person say “I have a lot to do, I'm overwhelmed, but none of my task are something that anyone can help with”. and then- that’s it. Don’t ask again. Don’t make the person who is already low, feel worse because you asked to help and they said no thank you.

Never overstep boundaries, especially when you aren't 100% sure of what those boundaries are.

Be present for people, but don’t hold them captive.
Don’t demand to be in the know.
Don’t make them feel like you are their keeper.
Don’t ever act as if you know how the person is feeling, or know what they are going through.
Your bad day looks different than theirs, but it doesn't out do it.

You can be a good friend all the time and only see someone some of the time.
If they seem distant, they may want space.

Simple communication to let someone know you are thinking of them can be as simple as that. Don’t require a reply. Don't push if they are resisting.
You know the phrase- “read the room”? feel the energy, it will tell you so much.

As I get older Ive learned how important direct communication can be, or is. How many times have you had an issue with someone, but when the smoke clears- there wasn't a real issue, there was a break down in communication. I feel this to my core. When we are speaking face to face we can feel emotion. We can see the emotion. We can show empathy, and understanding because we are getting the story first hand, in person.

Make that a text message…
Perspective- Im in a shit mood, and I get a text from someone. To me the text may come across rude, or blunt, or cold. That is because I am already in this mood. So now, I'll take my negative emotions and reply based on how I read the text.

BOOM- 99.9% of all problems come from miscommunication via text.

“she used a period”
“OMG 2 question marks”
“she said K”
“she left me on read”
“all i got was an OK”

Sound familiar?
This irritates me, but I too am guilty of reading a text in the current tone that I'm dealing with. My own attitude, and then taking it out on the texter.

Stop and think, before firing back or reacting.
Put the phone down and walk away if you need to.
Re read the text, without your attitude and decide where you thought you were offended and see how you can review the text to respond instead of going straight to fight mode.

Consider a few of the following things-
Could the person you text be in the middle of something and was only able to get a quick “ok” reply in? Have you ever been busy when getting a text and only get a chance to reply with “ok”? I am willing to bet you have. So don't take it personal, until you truly know it is personal.

Could the person have read my text in the middle of something and then forgot to reply to me? But It says “read”? Big deal.
Seriously though- When I am busy working and I get a text, most of the time I and looking at my watch because I feel the notification. So i’ll glance at it, and if there isn't a quick reply option, I let it go until I'm done what I am doing and pick my phone up.
Bad part about that? Once I open it on my watch its not a new text notification on my phone. Which means, I'll probably get back to you at a random hour of the night when i suddenly remember out of a dead sleep that I didn't reply. Or maybe i typed it and didn't hit send, we are all guilty of that.

Now for the “K”, just don’t do it…. This one is rude and I don't care who you are. No-one likes “K” and everyone still sends it.
Why do we think that is?
Let me tell you what I think… We do it on purpose. We send “K” to let the other party know we're annoyed. WE DO IT ON PURPOSE. Now, were you attempting to prove a point, attempting to end a conversation, attempting to pick a fight?

Who actually knows.
You do know though.
Everyone says “They just K’ed me”. Then that same person will be like, “i just K’ed” them.
dear God, stop the madness. You can only do these things if you truly don’t feel offended by a simple letter of the alphabet. But if you hate it, odds are the person sending it also hates it. So we get stuck in this mean girl game.
It doesn't have to be like that.

If i feel as if someones text is coming off in a way that feels like an attack or, rude- I have a few choices i have to make right away.

Am i reading this with my current mood and am I letting it affect my reply?
Should i not reply right this minute, and re visit it in a few hours to see if I was over reacting?
Should I call the person to discuss the situation over the phone so there isn't any tension.
Am I being irrational?
Should I just block them? (talk about irrational)

Then, once I attempt to figure that out, I have to find a way to handle whatever it may be. It is my job to be the one who makes sure the issue isn't communication, by not allowing any of the above points to interfere with my thoughts or thinking. It’s a work in progress.

Imagine ending an entire friendship over any of the scenarios listed above.
Was it worth it?
Do you even know what your are mad about?
Did your attitude at the time of the conversation cause you to be irrational?

I can answer yes to all of those things. I’ve been there. I’ve done it. I was bitter.
Now I’m trying to be better.

Communicate first.

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